I ended up being swamped with academic demands for most of April, which for me is an awful time to be not in a coma because my brain goes haywire when it gets cold. It happens to me every year, without fail. April sucks. It is my least favourite month, of all months. My mood swings get out of control when this month rolls around and I'm glad it's nearly over. It's a month that's awful for a number of reasons I could name, financial woes, getting sick, seasonal affective disorder, depression, the works.
And then by the end of the month when my cash flow started getting better I began to think about the kind of hobbies I used to really love but ended up neglecting because of academic or depressive reasons. The things that make me feel alive again, or more alive than angry I guess.
I watched End Of Evangelion today, for the first time since I first watched it along with the rest of Neon Genesis Evangelion with my brother and he punched me in the stomach over the ending and he autotuned my yelps of pain with his I-Am-T-Pain iPhone app for the lulz. I will never forget that night I watched End Of Eva with my brother not in a grudge holding sort of way but in a "That was the summer of Evangelion" sort of way when I think back and really remember what it was that used to make me happy before the first rounds of horrible, horrible depression sank in.
I'm not sure if most people are aware but I was a Pathways student who did my final high school year over a number of years so my high functioning autistic brain could cope with the workload. I was emotionally abandoned by three separate year groups of students who just plain forgot about me the minute they graduated, so as a result I'm really nervous a lot of the time that the people I go to University with will forget about me and never talk to me again just like they did. I'm awful at making long term connections with people. Never had a girlfriend, all I have is my novel writing and because I've been so busy with art school work doing a Photomedia degree I no longer believe will lead me to what I want to do with my life, my blogging here's taken a bit of a back seat to the madness that's been going on at home. Not exactly newsworthy madness, but definitely a neurotic madness that leads one to wonder about things of minuscule importance at 3am because I can't sleep properly.
I guess what started happening as to why my brain seems to be resisting the winter blues more than usual is because I've had to get up earlier in the morning than usual for a number of reasons, one is that I'm back at University. I have theoretically, somewhere I need to be instead of being a self employed novelist bum who sits around at home reading books and watching cartoons of both the Western and Japanese variety.
I'm putting this up here so that I don't look like I've been squatting on this blog URL making nothing, but new stuff is coming.
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